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[plasticasshole]

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[hearthebell]

[In short, L doesn't fare standing on his own. He overbalances and buckles immediately the moment the support is removed, coming down on his hands and knees, staring peevishly up at the android. He thinks that was a dirty trick, and as he draws his limbs closer to his body to balance on the balls of his feet, he doesn't exactly make a secret of it.

Connor's not wrong, of course... but so much of what he's insisting actually does feel impossible. If L focused on those things, how much energy would he have left for the things that really matter? The studying at the Coven, the SQUIP's social lessons?]

You've never had to waste time on those things and suffered a loss of function as a result. All of this probably does seem easy to you...

[plasticasshole]

[Connor circles L slowly, looking down at him.]

You're right. Human bodies are terribly inefficient. But that's what you have, and that's what you have to maintain. You can't even stand right now. If you had "wasted time" on eating and sleeping, maybe you wouldn't collapse after performing magic.

[Maybe he's being too cruel, but he wants L to realise he's only harming himself by behaving this way.]

[hearthebell]

[Damn straight, L's right. He clings to that, even if the logic becomes circular and like an Ouroboros devouring itself given enough scrutiny and thought. He rubs briefly at his bloodless lips with the back of his hand, because they're numb as his vision blotches and his ears ring.]

Would you please stop calling me human.

[He speaks in a low, serious tone.]

[plasticasshole]

[Connor tilts his head at that.]

Why?

[He crouches in front of L.]

You are human. It’s not an insult. It’s a fact. Do you not like it?

[A human that wants to be... a machine? Is that what this is?]

Linden... there’s no logic in denying what you are. Your mind may be able to ignore it, but your body won’t. You know that.

[hearthebell]

[L bristles; it's fairly clear that he doesn't like it, he thinks, even ignoring the fact that he actually went so far as to ask Connor not to.

It also is endlessly annoying that Connor seems to want L to confirm, verbally, what he knows is right.]

Just don't...

[He raises a hand, just pressing his palm against Connor's mouth like it's some kind of off switch he can utilize.]

[plasticasshole]

[Connor takes the wrist of that hand and pulls it away from his mouth. Sorry L, no luck there. He kneels in front of L and sighs, fiddling with the skinny hand in his. Something about his Bond with the SQUIP makes it easier to initiate touch with L.]

Talk to me. What do you want me to call you? How do you want to be treated?

[hearthebell]

[L shudders at the touch, curling more closely in on himself at being confronted and questioned on such a personal and intimate level. His pulse is weak but quick, his eyes pointedly averted as though he is just terrified that they will betray something.

There are things he could say.

Call me Linden, and treat me like I’m made of something stronger.

Call me Linden, and treat me like my heart and body can never truly break.

Call me Linden, and treat me like you and the SQUIP treat each other.

He swallows. His voice remains low and tight with forced-calm when he says]

Please, just treat me like someone who wanted to give you a mirror reflecting something gold that stays.

[Unintentionally, he’s actually voiced the core of the matter. Being human means being as fleeting as the autumn leaves or the setting sun. It means everything is futile in the end, and pain and dark and dust.]

[plasticasshole]

[Connor studies him for a moment. His expression softens, from the hard angles of disappointment back to concern.]

I am. I’m trying to make you take care of yourself. Because I care.

[He gestures to himself as he rests a hand on L’s shoulder again.]

I’m sorry if I was harsh, but an intelligent man like you... it’s frustrating to see you this way.

[hearthebell]

So it's agreed that we're both trying.

[He squeezes his eyes closed, practically bracing against the gentle contact as though he's waiting for the ruse to be revealed, turn into the roughness and concealed daggers that must be there.]

Do you think I wouldn't like to be able to insert a line of code that fixes everything? Do you think this isn't frustrating for me?

[He wants to trust... but that would make him stupid. That would make him dead. The rigidness of his body takes energy to maintain, and gives way in places to trembling fatigue.]

[plasticasshole]

[Connor sees him shaking, and squeezes his hand gently.]

I think you have personal issues that you need to address. I also think that if you continue to treat your body like a machine, it will eventually break down. Please be kinder to yourself. We only have one Linden, after all.

[hearthebell]

[That's honest, and almost definitely true. It's also the most difficult thing to hear yet, the idea that anything emotional could be any kind of issue for the detective. The dim fury that always smolders beneath where everything else is buried and banished burns him at times like this, because so many things just aren't fair, and pain without an outlet is such a bitch.

He's nearly at the limit of what he can handle today from another sentient being, through no real fault of Connor's. Just as L's frustration and anger have no outlet, they have no real target, either. He can't possibly hold this against the android, as much as he wants to retreat and hide himself away from the world.]

It's my... sincere hope that you enjoy the mirror.

[A weary default, an attempt to hoist the rendezvous' intended course back on track before it ends. It was never supposed to stray. He is exhausted.]

[plasticasshole]

[Connor can sense L is done with this conversation, so he just squeezes his shoulder and stands up.]

Thank you. I'll put it somewhere safe.

[He hesitates.]

Do you need any help getting home?

[hearthebell]

[He'd try to continue, if there was even a slight chance that he could pull more from his reserve stores. They're completely dry. He is going to go home, curl up in the shower under the running water, and count the tiles on the wall until he feels soothed.

He swallows, glancing up at the android. Somehow, his pride isn't letting him ask for a piggyback ride back to his apartment.]

I just need a few minutes.

[plasticasshole]

[Connor goes to leave, but stalls again.]

I'm not sure I can just leave you here like this. You can lean on me, there's no shame in it.

[He looks down at L earnestly.]

We don't have to tell anyone I had to help you... I won't say anything if you don't.

[hearthebell]

[Such a noble android. It's highly inconvenient and more than a big annoying... but ultimately, L's probably not getting home otherwise, is he?

He reaches up for Connor's hand, pulling himself up and fairly melting against his side.]

[plasticasshole]

[Connor puts a hand around L's waist, taking his weight easily. He starts to walk, glad that they're so close to the cottages.]

I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable. It's just in my nature to ask questions.

[As a fellow detective, L can surely appreciate that.]

I hope we can still be friends.

[hearthebell]

[Really, they have a lot in common, aside from just not particularly relating much to humans.]

It isn't your fault.

[He says so in a tone that qualifies as vehement, for him.]

It's in mine not to answer them, but as I said, I know you mean well. I know you're my friend.

[plasticasshole]

[Connor seems pleased by that answer.]

I'm glad. I find you very interesting. I would like to learn more about you... as long as you're comfortable with it, of course.

[He wonders if the SQUIP is in as they reach the door to their house, and rings the doorbell maybe a little too long before concluding that the answer is no. He shifts so that L can grab his key, assuming he has one.]

[hearthebell]

Oh? Is that so?

[L moves a hand to the door frame, rummaging in his jacket for his key.]

I find you interesting, as well, even if you're far too interested in very boring, unimportant things.

[His insecurities, his sorrow, his life. They need to be talked about, there is something in him crying to talk. But L is not going to crack that easily.]

I also think you're a good cop.

[plasticasshole]

They’re not unimportant or boring to me, Linden. Any kind of information can be used to create a picture of what someone is like. And... thank you, I appreciate it. I almost miss being a detective, you know.

[He helps L inside the house and shuts the door behind them gently.]

Is there anything you’d like to know about me?

[Leading L to the couch, he sits him down and seats himself beside him.]

[hearthebell]

[Slender fingers slide the key into the lock, turning it, the satisfying snick of what fits and works strangely reassuring. The SQUIP's not home; he can tell through their Bond that it's out at this time, and maybe that's for the best.

He and Connor have more in common than just not relating to humans all the time. L can't talk about his career, it's too deeply carved into his psyche to keep it locked down right along with his emotions, but he gravitates toward the sentiment. It's a hard same for him; being a detective was his life. He misses it every second.]

Why "almost?" Can you feel conflicted over something you were presumably manufactured to do?

[Clearly, the answer is yes. He takes his seat on the couch, reaching for a cold coffee on a nearby table and using magic to warm the cup through.]

[plasticasshole]

I can, yes. Being a good detective was everything to me, and it's programmed in me to want to do that. At the same time, I'm... happy, right now. I get to work with animals and unite them with families offering them a loving home. It feels like I'm doing something good, even if it's not exactly the kind of good I was programmed to do.

[And that feels good in turn.]

...And I suppose a small part of me enjoys wondering what Cyberlife would think of their most advanced prototype cleaning out litter boxes for a living.

[Worth a small fortune, and spending his days covered in fur.]

[hearthebell]

[L's eyes widen slightly. He knew this about Connor through his own Bond with the SQUIP, of course, but... actually hearing Connor talk with such gentle affection about his new and very different job is somewhat fascinating.]

Is there much of a demand for them here? Animals?

[He's never in his life had a pet. He might not actually understand the appeal very well.]

[plasticasshole]

Yes, we get a lot of customers. The most popular pet seems to be dogs. I'm not surprised... I like dogs.

[He looks L over with interest.]

What about you? Do you like animals?

[hearthebell]

I'm... not sure.

[He's not. He seems vaguely discouraged just thinking about it. Living things have never relied on L to survive, and it's likely a very good thing. Any nurturing instinct he possesses begins and ends with his slavish devotion to his obsessions, most of which involved trapping or unraveling a human being instead of comforting (and being comforted by) something fluffy.]

I don't eat meat. So... maybe.

[It's more likely that he just doesn't like the taste and texture. By far.]