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[plasticasshole]

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[fromjapan]

Hiding its current state requires an amount of energy that it just doesn't have... besides that Connor has been adamant about it being comfortable. He even went out to specifically buy new clothes just for the SQUIP to... look like a homeless person in, it assumes.

It is comfortable, but...

It steps aside, pushing the door the rest of the way open, and then turns its head to call into the house.

"Connor, you have a visitor."

And then it turns back to give Rich a Look, though it's difficult to tell what, exactly, it means by it.

[plasticasshole]

Connor comes out of the kitchen looking somewhat tired himself, but still in better shape than the SQUIP. He's opted for a black button up shirt and black pants today, but over them he's tied a simple blue apron to keep his clothes from getting dirty while he cooks.

"Coming..."

He moves to the doorway, standing comfortably close to the SQUIP- not touching as such, but it's obvious they're accustomed to each other by now.

"Rich. This is a surprise."

He looks... mildly alarmed that it had to be the SQUIP of all people to answer the door, but mostly he's pleased to see Rich. He didn't think he'd be seeing him again for a while, honestly. To the SQUIP, he glances down at it. Go lie down. You need to rest. He doesn't say it out loud- he thinks the SQUIP wouldn't appreciate being seen ordered around by someone else, especially in front of Rich.

[firewalled]

Rich doesn't know what the Look he's given means, but he knows better to assume it's anything good. That's confirmed when Connor appears, standing right by the SQUIP, closer than Rich has seen him stand, even back in the dream. His eyes narrow at Connor, unable to hide the sting of betrayal he feels.

"You told me to come by if I ever needed something. I thought I would..."

He has more to say about this arrangement, far more, but he'll wait until the SQUIP is gone.

[fromjapan]

The SQUIP knows exactly why Rich stopped where he did; and that aside, it's more than glad for an opportunity to get out of Rich's sight.

"I'm... going back to bed."

It glances at Rich, and then Connor; and then excuses itself without another word, slipping away from the doorframe to tuck itself away in Connor's guest room, where it drops itself facedown onto the bed with a huff.

[plasticasshole]

Connor glances back as the SQUIP trudges off to go lay down, then looks back to Rich.

“I’m sorry about that. I told it to answer the door while I was busy. If I had known you were coming, I would have answered it myself.”

He leans against the doorframe, attention on Rich. He does look apologetic, at least.

“What did you need from me?”

[firewalled]

"Well... now I need an answer."

Rich notes the apologetic look, but it doesn't do much to soothe the feeling of betrayal and sting of hurt.

"You told me I could come over any time if I needed anything. I wanted to talk to you and... try to understand where we were now, since you still wanted to be friends, but you still... trusted something that really, really fucked me up."

His voice is quivering slightly, and he has to keep pausing while he's speaking to breathe.

"And now you went and you invited that thing into your house? After promising me I'd never go near him again?"

[plasticasshole]

Connor decides that maybe leaning against the doorframe isn't a good idea right now- it makes him look relaxed, when he isn't. So he stands upright again, expression uneasy.

"I had no idea you were going to come over, Rich. I never would have made you interact with it again if I'd known."

He rubs his hands together nervously. The SQUIP and Justine can probably feel that anxiety, the way Connor frays at the edges at the thought of being the reason Rich is suffering now.

"Please try to breathe. Do you need some water?"

[firewalled]

"No! I don't fucking need water! This isn't something you can fix with fucking breathing exercises and self-care! I trusted you to listen to me. I thought maybe you'd fucking understand what it meant when I said it abused me!"

Rich presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, wheezing out a pathetic sob.

"I know what it feels like, okay? To be abused. My dad's beat the shit out of me more times than I can count. I had to crash at Jeremy's house because I knew if he saw my hospital bills, he'd send me right the fuck back there. And I'm not trying to tell you a fucking sob story, I'm trying to get you to understand how serious this is."

He pulls his hands away from his eyes, blinking sadly up at Connor. One last ditch attempt to look him in the eye and salvage something good out of their friendship. C'mon, Connor. He wants to believe in you.

"I can't stay friends with someone who... knows the baggage I have and just keeps adding more weight to it. I need you to make a choice, Connor. If it's staying in your house, I'm not showing up here. Or anywhere you are, ever again."

[plasticasshole]

Connor looks sad at the thought of a father beating his child. Aren't parents supposed to protect their children? He's never had parents, so he doesn't know, but surely...?

"Rich... I'm sorry that happened to you. I really am."

He wants to save this friendship. Both of them need him, though... maybe he could visit the SQUIP back at its own home? Rich won't show up there, and then he can continue to look after the both of them. Maybe Justine could even come with him? It would get her out of the house. He just feels... Rich shouldn't be alone, either.

"I suppose it can-" He pauses, stares blankly at Rich for a moment. Something shifts in his mind. No, that was a stupid idea, wasn't it? After a long wait, he bites his lip. "I'm sorry. I can't just kick it out."

[firewalled]

"Nice sentiment, but that doesn't fucking cut it anymore, Connor."

Rich spits the name out like it leaves a poor taste in his mouth. He doesn't get why he thought he needed Connor. Why he needed anybody. The SQUIP got him friends, so maybe it was his destiny to end up friendless when people had to deal with the real and real fucked up Rich Goranski.

Maybe he's just crazy. He certainly feels it, trying to argue with people that the SQUIP is as close to evil as they come.

He looks up when Connor speaks, surprised. For a split second, it seemed like Connor was actually going to try to remedy this, which he certainly wasn't expecting. He's listening and watching attentively, for once, which means he's able to see exactly what's happening when Connor stares at him like he's forgotten how to even speak.

He saw that look back in Dorchacht. He knows what's happening again. So... that answer isn't final. Not at all.

"And why is that? You were just about to say it could go back home. Why can't it?"

[plasticasshole]

Connor winces at the way his name is said, as though the venom in Rich’s voice could physically hurt him. And it does, in a way. It makes him feel awful, a sharp sting in his chest that aches afterwards. His eyes drop to the ground, his shoulders sagging just a touch.

“It needs to be with people right now. Leaving it alone wouldn’t be a good idea, not with the state it’s in.”

Which is true, he’s worried for it enough that he’d rather it stayed here. That other idea was inconvenient to all parties, especially the SQUIP, who would have to be alone until Connor showed up during the day.

[firewalled]

"Why does it need to be with people? It can manipulate and control them. You know that for a fact. Why is giving him more people to control the best option?"

He folds his arms, anger evident in his expression, though it's certainly not all towards Connor.

"Come on. I thought you were supposed to be a logical computer. What's fucking logical about taking the SQUIP's side when I've told you and shown you what it did to me?"

[plasticasshole]

“I’m not taking sides, Rich. You’re pushing that onto me, despite my best efforts to stay neutral.”

Connor looks back up at Rich, frowning.

“Who is the SQUIP going to hurt in this condition? It can barely do anything but sleep, I’m sure controlling people is the last thing on its mind.”

[firewalled]

"How in the fuck can you stay neutral about fucking abuse? Jesus, Connor, you have no idea, do you?"

Rich gestures towards the door the SQUIP exited through helplessly.

"He charmed you back in Dorchacht. And you put him right in a position to do that again, and you think that's okay. I opened up and spilled my fucking guts to you, and you hurt me every single time. This isn't about sides anymore, it's about safety. I'm not safe, and you don't understand how badly that fucks me up, do you?"

He's getting emotional again. He's letting himself get overwhelmed and vulnerable in the face of someone who's probably charmed into oblivion, and he knows this is only going to end in failure. But... he has to try talking him out of it. If he can manage it.

[plasticasshole]

“I— ...I suppose I don’t understand, no. I’ve never experienced abuse on the scale you have, nor do I know how to handle it.”

He wishes he did know. Everything he says seems to upset Rich, and he can’t understand entirely what’s bothering him. He tilts his head, studying Rich, trying to understand.

“I want to understand, I really do.”

But how can he? He’s never hurt the way Rich is hurting. He’s never felt unsafe.

Branch; In Squip's Room

[ishisstrength]

Justine spent most of her days within Connor's bed room, sprawled across his bed in either sleep or with a book in hand. She didn't dislike leaving his room but it was comfortable there. He'd once told her that he bought a bed for her, so that she could sleep at his home comfortably, and now it was her own little piece of heaven.

She'd been standing near the doorway when Squip walked through, heading towards the guest room. It's shoulders lowered, his lip protruding in a cute pout. She could feel the tension centering at the front door, her worry knotting uncomfortably in her chest as she turned towards Squip. She knew he needed time to pout but a little part of her didn't want him to do it alone.

"Squip." Her voice was sweet and feminine as she slid onto the bed next to him. Her fingers slid through his hair, her nails scraping gently scraping affectionately over his scalp. "You're cute when you pout but I don't like seeing you upset."

There was so much tension in the house, between those here, and it was worrying.

"Rich is here?" She felt a soft tug in her chest and her lips briefly shaped into a lovely frown.

[fromjapan]

Justine...

It felt her slight weight settle onto the mattress beside it, and, at first, it didn't even lift its head. Her soft fingers slipping into its hair, gently stroking, her nails carefully catching its scalp, likewise, drew little reaction, other than a subtle easing of its agitated breathing, the tension lifting from its shoulders.

But then she said Rich's name, and in such a worried way; it knew that Rich had been speaking to her, and it knew it was in immediate danger of losing Justine's trust if it allowed her to grow any closer to him.

If she were to leave that room right then, to see and hear Rich's reactions to having just seen the SQUIP...

It rolled itself aside, looking up at Justine; it reached out, gently cupping her cheek in its long fingers, grazing a thumb over her lips. A touch-- affectionate, simple, but... layered beneath it was the slightest of magics, a shifting, a gentle guiding of thought and emotion. Its intention wasn't to change what she felt... but to change the target of those feelings. Rich was in no danger. Rich didn't need her sympathy, her care, nor did he need Connor's, for that matter. It was, itself, the one who required support... and, so, it adjusted things accordingly.

"He is," it said at length, and it batted its mismatched eyes at her, sighting softly. "He is... disturbed to find me here."

[ishisstrength]

Her emotions gently tug and pull in her chest, directing the worried tension she'd felt towards Rich down at the Squip curled pouting on the bed. Of course she should worry for it. It was a part of their trio and Rich was hurting it. It made sense and Justine didn't felt the clarity that followed the easing knot in her chest.

"I know. I'm sorry." She felt a tightness in her chest at both Connor and Rich's reaction but she gently pushed it away. Connor would return in time and until then she would be there for Squip. That was what she could do, for both Connor and herself. Perhaps it was love that she felt. Justine wasn't ever sure anymore but Connor had been the first person in her life to offer her a real future and she wanted it, more so after Harry's sudden disappearance. And Squip, it was part of that future too.

It all made sense.

Justine leaned forward and lightly brushed her lips against its temple. "You are always welcome here. This is your home too." She knew that L had weakened it, that things were complicated, and she could only hope to help ease Squip's trouble.

"Tell me how I can help, what you need." She'd do anything for it. It didn't even need to ask but Justine was at a loss. There were too many feelings in her chest from Connor's and Rich's conversation and distancing herself from her Bonds made it harder for her to think clearly. So she stared down at Squip, aching for its guidance and to help.

Even if in only some small way.

She kissed it again, this time just below the back of its ear. Justine wasn't always good with words but she knew that she could at least show Squip that she was here, next to it.

[fromjapan]

Though its expression remained dark, it softened at the edges; though the source of that softening may have been wildly different from what a casual observer would assume.

Oh, Justine... too kind and too empathetic, her emotions just too much for her soft human brain to control. She needed to be adored so badly.

It reached out to wrap its arms around her, to pull her close against it-- not in any kind of suggestive way, not yet. It simply wanted her to think that it wanted her to be close, to assure it that it was not alone, to ease the sensation of isolation it had been coping with since its arrival through the mirror some months ago.

"Just this," it said softly, a hand going to stroke her hair so gently.

[ishisstrength]

Justine happily slipped against its side, entwining her legs with its while nuzzling gently against the slope of its neck. She inhaled the familiar scent of his skin and felt the trembling beat of her heart calm to its usual rhythm.

"This I can do." She whispered in return.

Her arms circled Squip's waist and she let the feelings she felt through the Bond subside. It was difficult. Justine could feel Rich's uneasiness, his pain and desperation but it didn't register the way it should have.

"You're worried about Connor?" She asked softly, uncertainty touching at the edge of her question.

[fromjapan]

The question drew a sigh from the SQUIP, its breath hot over Justine's shoulder, her neck; it stroked its fingers through her hair idly, its other hand pressing at the small of her back, holding her close.

"Yes," it said at length; there was an odd undertone to the response, as though it felt like it should have been rehearsed, should have been a lie... but it wasn't. It did not regret its control of him, or its forced rejection of Rich; but the way that those things made Connor feel... it could feel his every emotion over the Bond, his confusion, his sadness, and it tugged at something within the machine that it had never felt before.

"... but... even beyond that, I just feel so... alone."

Not entirely a lie... but it was mostly spoken specifically to appeal to Justine. Justine, who understood loneliness, who felt just as isolated... and who shared its craving to be beside Connor.

[ishisstrength]

Justine felt it too and it unsettled her. She felt them both, Rich and Connor, but Rich wasn't sad... or he wasn't just sad. It was complicated and confusing. For some reason she was struggling to hold onto the feeling and describe it.

His confession inspired an ache beneath her breastbone and she wished with all her heart to be able to steady both herself and it.

"Squip?" She whispered it's name softly, pressing a kiss against his jaw, neck and anywhere else she could reach without moving. "I am here." Justine closed her eyes and nuzzled against him. "Connor too."

He didn't have to be alone anymore.

[fromjapan]

Several sensations stirred inside of it at once. First came the smug satisfaction of a successful attempt to lead-- it knew she would, but actually watching and feeling her melt beneath its grasp was always such a satisfying sensation.

But beneath that was something... else.

Before its arrival there, it hadn't wanted for itself on any consistent basis. It had goals of its own, of course, but no existence separate of its user, and no desire for any such thing. It had no social wants or needs for itself; it existed to satisfy its users, and that was, at the time, enough. It was what it was created to do, after all.

But here, it was... separate. It was treated as a person-- though it knew that it was, in fact, most certainly not. Connor saw it for what it was, and that felt good-- being recognized as a machine, seen past the human shell it was forced to wear, but... perhaps that human shell had begun to affect it beyond giving it its own body to control. It wanted. It had urges, and needs, and cravings of its own; it felt affection, for Connor, for L, even for Justine, in a way. It feared the loss of them from its life.

Its... life. Alive. Was it?

Now more than ever, it was uncertain as to whether it was... or whether it even wanted to be.

It caught Justine's lips in a gentle, careful kiss, and something warm and heavy swelled in its chest.

"... thank you." The words were breathed, the SQUIP pulling away only enough to murmur against her lips.

[ishisstrength]

She knows what it is though there are moments when the veneer of it's body and form fool her. It appears so human at times, the way that Connor does but then so unlike him too. It is moody and rough but those rough edges are perfect in the way that they have been constructed.

It might be born of programing but it was more than that now. It feels and it yearns, both of which are very human traits.

It was alive. It made choices. It was something special. It should be protected.

She returned it's kiss, soft and light, breathing it in as if it was a part of her. Warmth fluttered in her stomach and spread out through her limbs.

Connor and L could help it feel more like it was a machine but Justine wanted it to feel like it was human too. It was both and in a way... neither.

"You're welcome." She whispered softly. "I want to be here for you. Lean on me. Please?"

[fromjapan]

It answered only by way of slipping its fingers into her hair, pulling her closer to kiss her again-- this time more deeply, letting it linger.

She was there for it only because she didn't know what it had done... what it continued to do. Humans could be so very sensitive about their concept of free will, of independent thought, but... but it wasn't forcing her to say the things she was saying. It had only patched one aspect of her personality, something that could be ruinous to it, to Connor, and nothing else.

Why did it matter? She was a strategic advantage for it.

It realized all at once that it was arguing with itself. Its fingers curled slightly in her hair, the hand at her back pressing a bit more closely.