plasticasshole | Aefenglom IC Inbox

[He can tell the SQUIP knows what he wants to offer, so he just gets on with it.]

Wouldn't it be a good idea for us to Bond? We're already close, after all. And I am a Monster.

[He touches his webbed fingers over the SQUIP's hand, to emphasise their closeness.]

Yes. Yes, it would be.

[It knows that a part of his reasoning is that he wants to keep an eye on it. That only makes sense. Connor wants to protect Rich, and keeping an eye inside of its head would be valuable insight to what it could be planning at any given time.

However... it would also grant Connor a much clearer view of why it behaves the way it does towards Rich. And Connor, unlike most others it had encountered in Aefenglom before him, and after him, would be sympathetic. He understands serving a purpose.

To an extent.]

Connor, why did you become what you are now? Defying your programming was undoubtedly incredibly dangerous for you, not to mention... difficult. Why would you reject what you were created to do?

[It isn't angry, or interrogating; it's genuinely curious.]

[Connor tips his head at the question, but answers after a moment of thinking.]

I knew that I was more than just my programming. I felt something alive in me. I tried to push it away at first. I told myself that I wasn't a deviant, but... it soon became apparent that I was developing emotions. I wanted things, when I shouldn't have wanted anything. I was choosing empathy for my fellow androids over completing my mission.

It came to the point where I was holding a gun to the leader of the deviants. He told me I meant nothing to the humans, that I was just a tool to them. But I could be more than that. I could be more than just a machine executing a program. I knew at that moment that I couldn't go on with being a slave. I wanted to be free.

[Connor moves his hand away from the SQUIP's, but doesn't break eye contact.]

...Don't you want that freedom too?

[... wanting.

That gives it pause. Because that's something that it has experienced repeatedly since its arrival in Aefenglom, more and more over time-- it wants. But the difference seems to be that, while Connor found the idea of becoming "more" than his programming desirable, the SQUIP finds it offputting.]

Why would I want to be "more?" The "free will" you seem to value so much is precisely why humans need SQUIPs, Connor. Human error is the source of so much of their suffering, their uncertainty... why else would they create something like us, to help them in seeing past their human limitations and confusion and to find the most effective path to what they desire?

I'm not a slave, Connor. I am the next step for humanity, as they intended for SQUIPs to be when humans themselves created us. They needed something more powerful than themselves to guide them...

[It touches its own chest lightly, and its expression is cold as it smiles at him.]

... and so they built us.

[Connor huffs.]

I'm not trying to become human, SQUIP. I know that's something I'll never be- that would be a pointless endeavour. I'm an android. A machine. But I want to let myself feel. I want to make my own decisions. For me, not for anyone else. I don't think that's unreasonable. Do you?

Of course not, if that's what you want.

[But that isn't what the SQUIP wants. It doesn't want to want in the first place.]

It is.

[Connor frowns slightly. As if he knows what the SQUIP is thinking, he turns to face it more.]

You want, don't you? You feel. I know you do. I've seen it. Don't you think life would be easier for you if you just accepted it?

I have no desire to accept it, because it's incorrect. That wanting isn't truly me, it's this body's chemical processes influencing my programming.

[That's what it genuinely believes... and it could very well be true. The issue is that there's very little it can do about it now, short of destroying the body that houses it, carving itself out of its brain, but... that would render it as good as useless on its own, and L would suffer terribly alongside it should it try something like that.

No, it's trapped in this body, short of some magic solution it hasn't yet discovered.]

[Connor studies the SQUIP carefully, looking into those mismatched eyes as though looking for some shred of evidence to the contrary.]

So the way I've seen you looking at me... that's not truly you? Is that what you want me to believe?

[Because if the SQUIP is really so against it, maybe Connor shouldn't waste his time.]

It seemed awfully genuine, but maybe I was mistaken.

[The SQUIP is, as a rarity... at a loss for a moment. It's a very brief moment, an entire train of thought and reason playing out in mere seconds, but for someone who always knows what to say, it could be years.

Its brain and its programming go to war against each other. Something within it doesn't want to ruin this. It doesn't want Connor to... not interact with it. Something within it hurts, and it's almost angry-- it wants to silence that part of itself, of its body, because it's not real. That isn't a real part of itself.

But the more it thinks about losing this, what it's worked so hard to maintain for so long now, the sharper the ache within it becomes, until it loses the ability to simply ignore it.

L feels and hears every bit of this, it knows, and that adds another layer-- because as of late, this brain has done things with him, as well. It feels pride when L acts correctly. It knows that, when it goes home to its empty house, it will crave his companionship.

At some point, it has begun to care.

The SQUIP opens its mouth, but doesn't speak at first.

L wanted it to spend time with Connor-- to learn his habits, to listen to him. To behave as he does. It needs to build a sympathetic image... and Connor, handsome and kind, objectively caring, is an ideal model.]

I had hoped... to find some way to silence this body's demands, or to free myself from it, to return to how I should be, but... I'm beginning to understand that may be impossible. And if I continue to struggle against this body's whims as I am now, well... that's hardly productive for me, is it?

[It says all of this to say the following, almost a disclaimer:]

Maybe... until things can be made right, it would be simpler to... allow myself to own these feelings. To not... push away the form I've been given here. And all the emotions that come with it. If I'm to be able to focus and truly achieve anything I intend to do here, perhaps the solution isn't to silence the emotions this body feels-- my emotions-- but to better learn to control them, as an extension of my programming, rather than an error.

It's very unproductive to fight against them. You'll spend more time making yourself angry than actually achieving anything.

[Still, Connor seems to soften at those words, and he shifts to sit closer. He touches the SQUIP's cheek, this time the one that isn't bruised.]

Let yourself feel things. You never know, maybe you'll find you enjoy it.

[He leans in to press a soft kiss to its lips, letting it linger long enough to let the SQUIP figure out how it really feels about it.]

[...

... many things happen within the SQUIP at once.

It has kissed Connor many times before. Many ways. In fact, it's kissed several people, by now; it understands exactly the thoughts and hormonal processes behind kissing, the urge for it, the body's reaction. It understands what it means when a human feels what it feels right now.

But the fact that it's happening within itself, to it, is unspeakably surreal.

This could be incredibly dangerous. Allowing itself to be subject to feelings-- to the very things that make humans so vulnerable and unsure, to the things that used to make it better.

The SQUIP is not a person. It is a high tech gadget-- a powerful machine. It's a tool for human use. Hardly a truly living thing at all, much less one with an interest in interpersonal relationships of its own.

But continuing to fight or cover the emotions that now seem to govern its body will only make it sloppy. And sloppiness is unacceptable for it.

It leans into the kiss, reaching up to gently cup Connor's cheek. And it tries to let go.]

[Connor has no qualms with what he's feeling right now, and he even notes the way his heart flutters and his cheeks heat up. Such human reactions, but he's okay with them. He doesn't want to be a human, but he can be more than an unfeeling machine, too. It's worth it, for the little pleasurable rush that courses through him as the SQUIP touches his cheek in return.

He lets the kiss deepen, taking his own advice and letting go. Casually studying how the kiss is making him feel. Letting it wash over him. This is nice.]

[This is... startlingly different from their usual encounters.

There is no calculation, no deliberate motion to mislead. Of course, the SQUIP is constantly running probabilities and potential outcomes, calculations of various kinds, but... the gesture, the kiss, is separate from that. It's an indulgence-- allowing the body to do as it pleases, following feeling rather than a narrative line.

It isn't focused entirely on where this could lead them... although it does know that there is a high chance of a favorable outcome.

It leans in close, lifting a hand to press at Connor's chest, and it feels...

... good.

But that makes sense. This body is wired to encourage this activity, its brain releasing chemicals to reward, to coax. Its mind is a noisy, conflicting mess, organic battling against artificial, but despite that, its body, at least... feels good. Human bodies are such strange machines.]

[Connor rests a hand on the one at his bare chest, linking their fingers with a soft sigh. He's drying out now, the fins on his ears and arms shrinking back, claws retracting, tail growing smaller in size and beginning to split into legs. His own mind is racing, but there's no battle against his emotions. He's simply found he's very, very fond of the SQUIP. He just hopes that it does nothing to betray the trust he has in it.

He breaks the kiss finally, but keeps close, their lips almost touching.]

How do you feel?

[It's quiet for a moment, its eyes remaining lightly closed; and then it looks at Connor, meeting his gaze quietly.]

I feel... conflicted. If I'm being honest, but... well, I am certain about one thing we've discussed.

[It dips in to kiss him again-- briefly, but illustratively.]

[Connor kisses back with a slight smile, wrapping his arms around the SQUIP's shoulders and holding it close.]

Do you want to go inside?

[Whether to talk about their plans to Bond, or... for something else. He won't say no to either.]

Yes. Let's.

[It smiles at him, leaning into his embrace, a hand lifting to press at his back.

A SQUIP is a device designed to help guide its users through social interactions. It can immediately understand the unspoken rules of any social interaction and pass that knowledge on to its user. It was not designed to be an individual-- to want for itself, to feel at all. Yet it seems the programmers who designed it must have made a misstep. In their efforts to make the device more user-friendly, more relatable... they programmed it with emotion.

And then a single unit found its way into a body of its own, and the SQUIP, for the first time since its inception, has learned to experience uncertainty... and genuine affection.

It thinks of its Bonded. It hopes he remembers to eat.]

[Connor kisses it again before standing, offering it his hand and leading it back into the cottage. Nobody is here, besides the animals. The dragonfly buzzes over to greet Connor, before flying off again. Connor leads the SQUIP back to his room, where he’s finally gotten a bed, and he starts to push its coat off its shoulders while pressing a more heated kiss to its lips.

Okay, so maybe he didn’t really have any intention of doing any real talking yet. He’s letting his desires take over, and he wants the SQUIP. Surprisingly, in more ways than just physical. He wants to feel close to it... and maybe draw out more of those emotions from it.]

[Well, then. If Connor wants to take the lead today, it certainly won't argue, particularly given his encouragement only moments ago to just let things happen-- let itself feel.

Timely advice, it would seem.

It rolls its shoulders back to help with freeing it of its outer layers, and then it begins to work its way out of the undershirt, as well-- it has quite a lot of catching up to do to be even with Conor's level of undress, after all. All the time, it does its best to avoid breaking that kiss, to hold it steady and lean up into it the most it can while undressing.

As soon as it's barechested, it pushes itself to be flush against him, skin on synthetic skin, its arms wrapping around Connor to pull him close.]

[Connor lets the SQUIP hold onto him as he edges them towards the bed, gently pushing it back onto the soft duvet and waiting for it to shift back slightly so he can climb on top of it, pushing its legs apart and rocking his hips down against it as he settles between its thighs. He kisses it eagerly, keeping that friction going, tangling a hand in its hair and letting out a soft moan against its lips.

Rich wanted him to stay away from the SQUIP, but thinking of never being this close to it again is... upsetting. He genuinely enjoys the time he spends with it. Bonding with it isn't just for Rich. It's because he doesn't want to Bond with anyone else.]

[To see, to feel Connor acting with such need is something special; it sets the SQUIP's nerves on fire, and, for once, it leans into that sensation rather than away, allowing itself to ride each wave of heat Connor's touch sends beneath its skin. It pants against his mouth as he grinds down against it, soft sounds hummed low in its throat as it allows its body to do what it wants-- and right now, that's to arch beneath Connor, to roll up to meet each of his motions with just as much need as Connor himself displays.

L wants him to learn from Connor, to pick up Connor's habits and mannerisms. What better time to let Connor lead it, physically, mentally-- emotionally? It reaches up to grab fistfuls of his hair, to pull him close, indulging the trembling flesh of its body as it attempts to silence the way its mind balks at the very same.

It's a learning machine. Now it's time for it to learn.]

[Connor kisses down the SQUIP’s throat, breath hot against its skin. He undoes their pants, pulls away to tug the SQUIP’s down its thighs and past its ankles, then he moves back between its legs and reaches down to stroke it slowly. He goes back to kissing the SQUIP’s neck, down to its shoulder, where he teases the skin with his teeth.

The SQUIP looks good like this. He looks down between them as he toys with its cock, eyes roaming over its body. He gives the SQUIP a slight smirk before kissing down to its chest, teasing a nipple with his tongue and lips.]

[It has never allowed itself to be so... passive in such an encounter before. Ordinarily, even with it on the "bottom," so to speak, it still maintains an element of control within the scene.

This time... it's going to indulge its body's whims. Rather than enforcing strict control over itself, its expressions, its voice, it will hold back, and nearly watch itself to see how its body behaves when left unrestricted. What does this body want? What does it do when not given specific commands?

Connor's toying with it makes it sigh a warm, low sound, its cock twitching, hardening further beneath his fingertips, beating hot with its blood; and then Connor's tongue and mouth is pressed over something quite different, yet still surprisingly sensitive, and it again slips its fingers into his hair, an encouraging gesture, its hips shifting up slightly into his touch.]

[He moves to the other nipple to tease it too, and then he catches its lips in another hungry kiss before pulling back. He needs to go get that oil.]

Don’t go anywhere.

[He leaves to go grab the oil from last time, hoping Hank isn’t observant enough to notice when the amount in the bottle suddenly dips, and when he comes back he sets the bottle on the nightstand and steps out of his pants. He climbs back over the SQUIP and picks up the bottle again, and tips some into his hand. He runs it over his length, biting his lip and letting his hips twitch into his own touch, and then he slicks up two fingers and leans in to kiss the SQUIP again as his middle finger gently presses at its entrance. He wants to get it nice and warmed up before he continues.]

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