[oh, that would do it. And it does it for Ethan, too - at least, judging by the way his expression twists.
Actually, the way that expression twists isn't... Isn't at all the expression of someone who is just righteously angry. There's too much pain and guilt in the microexpressions for that - but it's not hard to guess he's not likely to talk about them, if they're noticed.]
[The strangest things seem to snap him out of it - though maybe they're less strange than not, to him.
Teeth grit for a short moment, and he covers his everything by fixing his clothing now. A thread of wavering emotion remains in his voice, though he's working slowly to conquer it.]
Do you think it would bring satisfaction, that? You would be forsaking your compassion, everything you've decided to be.
[He'd know, wouldn't he? It's a big decision, changing your moral compass to fit your pain. He's not making assumptions either, though - the question is legitimately because he doesn't know, frankly.]
Besides, he looks like you. Imagine someone who cares for you finding him like that later and not realising in the heat of panic. Best not to put the idea in their heads. Getting him healed or mercy killing him before they know it.
[He's mostly calmed his tone now, expression more... Blank, analytical. Work through every contingency, every tiny notion of possibility - that's what he believes, and it's what keeps him calm. You don't have control over everything, so do what sparks the least possible guilt.]
Satisfaction? No. It's the logical thing to do. If he's broken but alive, he can't come back and hurt people. But I killed him, which means he's probably already making someone else's life miserable.
[Connor considers the idea that someone who cares for him could find -60 like that.]
I could have hidden him. It wouldn't have been hard.
It's logical to torture someone to stop then pursuing you? Don't be ridiculous.
[Oh. That's some bristling anger, thick and heavy on his tongue, devolving into a breathy wheeze at the end. He shakes his head, breath hitching in hard - that's harder to tell if it's emotional or related to the sudden revolt stated by his body. Either way, he flicks has HUD open again.]
{Possibly. What are the failure rates? We already can't even account for this fucking town and what it can do. The things in the walls, the clinic, the phones. Unless you had him with you at all times, there's nothing but conjecture for probability.}
[You started this train of thought, Connor. As long as it's a possibility, Ethan's apparently going to nettle every notion of it.]
[Connor doesn't see what the problem is, honestly. He feels kind of worried about that. Should he understand?]
I didn't say I was going to torture him. I said I was going to break him. Admittedly, you're right in that it doesn't account for what this place could do to help him, but it stands more of a chance of succeeding than killing him and allowing him to come back fully healed.
{No. I just have a finite ability for physical speech.}
[Absolutely, an entire world of things. He's pretty sure Connor isn't talking about the choice of communication, but like hell he's acknowledging it right now.
He really should talk to someone. Instead, he just forges on with his thoughts.]
{Does it bother you to analyse every possibility? It is torture, though. Whether you intend it or not, if there's even a single thread of humanity in someone - being able to see, but not move? Knowing someone is keeping what you want just beyond your reach - it's torture.
And if he's hurting others to get to you, he's already got a sense of pride enough to have a shred of humanity.}
I'd rather torture him than know he's out there hurting someone else. I don't care if he's in distress. He enjoyed watching me die in the clinic. He probably enjoyed watching Falco and Sharon suffer- Falco isn't the only one he's shot here, after all. If it's torture, so be it. I can live with it.
[He's firm on that point, and no amount of trying to make him feel bad about it is going to have an effect.]
[It feels... Strange. There is logic in it, and what sticks is... Not really anything. But it tunes, slowly, as Ethan listens.
It's a clean enharmonic note, and what else could he be expecting? Connor will see it directly, when the logic slots into place and his hackles lower - and the way his lips purse when Falco is mentioned. He's meet him by now, and the idea of hurting him, of all people...
And maybe that was all it was. The reality of the convictions was the catalyst, in the end. Ethan can hardly lay blame on having them, can't he?]
{Then that's fine. As long as you know what you are doing and why.}
[It occurs to him to wonder how much of it is perceived, where the two lie directly on the spectrum of it all. He'll get a chance to assess that soon enough, though.]
{... I probably don't need to lecture you on any of this. Not sure what came over me, there. Something just wasn't fitting and I had to fix it.}
[Yeah, it's true. His problem to deal with, along with the concern of anyone he's befriended. Far be it from Ethan to think of that, though.]
{It's certainly your prerogative. It's a fairly human notion, isn't it?}
[There's a more wry smile to his lips as he agrees, hand reaching to rub the back of his neck again, absently. Now he has... No idea what to talk about. Everything he could say feels like it would say too much, be too personal... So he just stares off a bit, expression thoughtful, maybe even a little lost. It's not helped by the amount of times Ethan wrote something to add to the conversation only to delete it before transmitting it to speech.
This is fine. Maybe he'll be lucky and they'll just sit for a bit and part ways without much more talk, so he doesn't risk making a fool of himself again.]
[With nothing left to do but wait out the fog, they're kind of stuck here. Connor sips on his thirium and looks down at himself. The blue blood is already fading to nothing where it's been on his clothing longer. Good... though he still knows the traces are there, and he could still see it himself if he scanned it.
Time for Connor's favourite thing: awkward small talk.]
So. Why don't you tell me a little more about yourself?
[Oi, that's the exact opposite of what he wanted, Connor. Ethan glances to the droid and shrugs in response to the question - probably a clear sign of the lie to follow.]
{There isn't all that much to know. You have my name, after all. I have aplastic anemia, I think I mentioned when we got here. I'm a technophile, according to some, and I share information on otherwise protected lawbreakers.}
[Which explains exactly nothing about him, naturally. There's almost no way he's got nothing going on past a potential raging boner for justice and an autoimmune disease.
There's an even smaller chance when he's fussing with literally anything just to have something to occupy his hands between statements.]
[Even if he couldn't tell by the obvious signs of fidgeting, Connor can monitor his heartbeat if he wants. He just raises an eyebrow, before giving an almost playful smile.]
Anyone would get the impression that you were very boring.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
plasticasshole) wrote2017-08-31 11:41 pm
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Actually, the way that expression twists isn't... Isn't at all the expression of someone who is just righteously angry. There's too much pain and guilt in the microexpressions for that - but it's not hard to guess he's not likely to talk about them, if they're noticed.]
... Then you did the right thing, I should say.
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It's too bad he'll just come back again. Maybe I should have left him there broken and unable to move.
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Teeth grit for a short moment, and he covers his everything by fixing his clothing now. A thread of wavering emotion remains in his voice, though he's working slowly to conquer it.]
Do you think it would bring satisfaction, that? You would be forsaking your compassion, everything you've decided to be.
[He'd know, wouldn't he? It's a big decision, changing your moral compass to fit your pain. He's not making assumptions either, though - the question is legitimately because he doesn't know, frankly.]
Besides, he looks like you. Imagine someone who cares for you finding him like that later and not realising in the heat of panic. Best not to put the idea in their heads. Getting him healed or mercy killing him before they know it.
[He's mostly calmed his tone now, expression more... Blank, analytical. Work through every contingency, every tiny notion of possibility - that's what he believes, and it's what keeps him calm. You don't have control over everything, so do what sparks the least possible guilt.]
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[Connor considers the idea that someone who cares for him could find -60 like that.]
I could have hidden him. It wouldn't have been hard.
[Well, whatever. He's done what he's done, now.]
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[Oh. That's some bristling anger, thick and heavy on his tongue, devolving into a breathy wheeze at the end. He shakes his head, breath hitching in hard - that's harder to tell if it's emotional or related to the sudden revolt stated by his body. Either way, he flicks has HUD open again.]
{Possibly. What are the failure rates? We already can't even account for this fucking town and what it can do. The things in the walls, the clinic, the phones. Unless you had him with you at all times, there's nothing but conjecture for probability.}
[You started this train of thought, Connor. As long as it's a possibility, Ethan's apparently going to nettle every notion of it.]
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I didn't say I was going to torture him. I said I was going to break him. Admittedly, you're right in that it doesn't account for what this place could do to help him, but it stands more of a chance of succeeding than killing him and allowing him to come back fully healed.
[He tilts his head, brows furrowed.]
I'm sorry, is something bothering you?
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[Absolutely, an entire world of things. He's pretty sure Connor isn't talking about the choice of communication, but like hell he's acknowledging it right now.
He really should talk to someone. Instead, he just forges on with his thoughts.]
{Does it bother you to analyse every possibility? It is torture, though. Whether you intend it or not, if there's even a single thread of humanity in someone - being able to see, but not move? Knowing someone is keeping what you want just beyond your reach - it's torture.
And if he's hurting others to get to you, he's already got a sense of pride enough to have a shred of humanity.}
[Even if -60 doesn't want it.]
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I'd rather torture him than know he's out there hurting someone else. I don't care if he's in distress. He enjoyed watching me die in the clinic. He probably enjoyed watching Falco and Sharon suffer- Falco isn't the only one he's shot here, after all. If it's torture, so be it. I can live with it.
[He's firm on that point, and no amount of trying to make him feel bad about it is going to have an effect.]
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It's a clean enharmonic note, and what else could he be expecting? Connor will see it directly, when the logic slots into place and his hackles lower - and the way his lips purse when Falco is mentioned. He's meet him by now, and the idea of hurting him, of all people...
And maybe that was all it was. The reality of the convictions was the catalyst, in the end. Ethan can hardly lay blame on having them, can't he?]
{Then that's fine. As long as you know what you are doing and why.}
[It occurs to him to wonder how much of it is perceived, where the two lie directly on the spectrum of it all. He'll get a chance to assess that soon enough, though.]
{... I probably don't need to lecture you on any of this. Not sure what came over me, there. Something just wasn't fitting and I had to fix it.}
[He knows exactly what it was, the liar.]
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[He says it with a slight quirk of his lips.]
When it comes to the other Connor, I can handle him my own way.
[Whether it turns out he's handling it badly or not, well, that's his problem isn't it?]
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{It's certainly your prerogative. It's a fairly human notion, isn't it?}
[There's a more wry smile to his lips as he agrees, hand reaching to rub the back of his neck again, absently. Now he has... No idea what to talk about. Everything he could say feels like it would say too much, be too personal... So he just stares off a bit, expression thoughtful, maybe even a little lost. It's not helped by the amount of times Ethan wrote something to add to the conversation only to delete it before transmitting it to speech.
This is fine. Maybe he'll be lucky and they'll just sit for a bit and part ways without much more talk, so he doesn't risk making a fool of himself again.]
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[With nothing left to do but wait out the fog, they're kind of stuck here. Connor sips on his thirium and looks down at himself. The blue blood is already fading to nothing where it's been on his clothing longer. Good... though he still knows the traces are there, and he could still see it himself if he scanned it.
Time for Connor's favourite thing: awkward small talk.]
So. Why don't you tell me a little more about yourself?
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{There isn't all that much to know. You have my name, after all. I have aplastic anemia, I think I mentioned when we got here. I'm a technophile, according to some, and I share information on otherwise protected lawbreakers.}
[Which explains exactly nothing about him, naturally. There's almost no way he's got nothing going on past a potential raging boner for justice and an autoimmune disease.
There's an even smaller chance when he's fussing with literally anything just to have something to occupy his hands between statements.]
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Anyone would get the impression that you were very boring.
[He's not buying it, Ethan.]
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{You can ask questions, if you're that curious. I mean it, though. I'm really not all that interesting where I'm from.}
[Aside from the age at which he started with computers, he figures. It's a compromise, at least. That's good enough, right?]